feelings. proceed with caution.

you don’t live here so why are you always in my elevator?

I don’t really even know how to feel right now. I was so happy a month ago because I liked spending time with you and I haven’t really liked someone like that in a long while. It was promising. You alluded to things in the future, of warm weather and potential phone calls from Colorado (was it Colorado?).

This whole thing is starting to feel like a huge rain check, and quite frankly right now you’re a stranger to me. And yet, some stranger that I think about and am attached to.

It feels so contrived to pick things up again. I hate contrived things. Maybe it’s better to let this peter out. But why should it? It seems, at least to me, that this thing was worthwhile and redeeming enough to continue. But how redeeming can it be if it’s not self-sustainable?

Do I even want to see you? Even though I’ve thought about you for far too much these past few weeks, I’m also in the midst of a totally cliched existential dilemma and I’m in a funk and I can’t be spunky or witty or interesting. How can I get to know you better and you get to know me better when I don’t even know myself right now? I’m not really in a sassy or flirty mood. But then again, if not now, when? This is going to burn out soon if we don’t actually see each other.

And of course, there’s the question of are you thinking about me as much as I’m thinking about you? If I didn’t run into you, would you still think of me?

It might be time to get a new umbrella.